The Struggle for Acceptance

I’ve spent a lot of days trying to prove myself. Trying to prove that I’m worth it. Trying to prove that I deserve to be loved. Trying to prove that I deserve to be noticed. But in my pursuit of acceptance, I’ve somehow managed to forget my God given identity. I’m constantly asking myself “Who am I?” or “Who does God want me to be?". More importantly, "Who does God want me to be connected to?" A lot of times I feel like I know the answer to these questions and other times not so much. I get attached to things I’m passionate about and people I care about. When I care about something, I give my very all. Why am I like this? I don’t know lol. Many would say that it’s good that I’m so passionate and caring but there are some days I don’t feel like it’s good at all. I often lose myself in the midst of trying to be there for others and trying to take on projects that are important to me. Sometimes it feels like I have no sense of balance. I give extensively but receive minimally. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t purposefully do things so that I could receive anything back but I won’t lie. It would be nice to sometimes feel appreciated. I mean come on. Who doesn’t like to feel appreciated? 

Now once again, my previous statement in no way diminishes the amazing people in my life who go out of their way to let me know that they are thinking of me and care about me. I wholeheartedly appreciate their efforts. But I think it all boils down to this. Where does this constant need for acceptance stem from and how can a person break free from this never ending cycle which seems to influence their motivation when doing things for others? Well for me it stems from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. I know God’s word says He has not given us a spirit of fear but of peace, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). But peace.... sometimes I can’t feel it. Love....I don’t fully know how to yet. A sound mind...seems far off when all I can think about is how to keep people around so I don’t feel so alone.

Trying to prove yourself is exhausting. Mentally and emotionally. And it’s no one’s fault but it surely is someone’s truth. The other night I said this simple prayer, “Lord help me to be free from the need to be accepted”. It was a tough one to pray because it means I’m acknowledging the fact that I desire to be accepted by others, which is socially frowned upon in a world where we are encouraged to be ourselves and not care about what anyone thinks. But I firmly believe that the first steps to complete healing is to acknowledge what’s truly going on.

So hi. My name is Akeila and I struggle with wanting to be accepted. What’s your struggle?