My Story of Surrender

At the beginning of the month, people often like to declare what the month will be for them. For example, it might be the month of new beginnings or a month of relaxation. Whatever it may be, its usually up to us to decide. Earlier this month, I received an email that said September is the month of surrender and it listed a bible verse for each day of the month that focused on the theme. Then maybe two days later, I read on a gospel artist's page that September is the month for storytelling. Both themes resonated with me because for the past few months they have both been on my heart and mind. I've been in a constant battle trying to daily surrender some things to God and wondering how I could possibly tell my story of brokenness to those who might need to hear it. How do I convey to others that although I might be smiling on the outside, I'm really hurting on the inside? Or how do i show them that my past history of abandonment and rejection often times take the front seat in my heart? How do I let them know that I struggle with forgiveness and that I honestly don't know what forgiveness is supposed to look like when the very thing that hurt me is still staring me in my face and sharing my space (emotionally and physically)? 

See, I knew I had a story to tell but I was unsure of how to tell it. I did not know if I wanted to let people into my place of personal struggle. I constantly asked myself how do I surrender my fears and apprehensions and allow God to do his work? 

Maybe that's just it. Maybe I simply need to surrender my story to God and allow him to help me tell it because we know He is the best story teller of them all. He has a way of bringing spoken (and even unspoken) words to life.  He has a way of turning every negative thing we have experienced into something that will work for our good.  

Beauty from ashes. 

So I've decided to start here. Transparency is key. I choose to be transparent not because I want sympathy but rather because I want destiny. I refuse to allow my struggles and weaknesses to hold me back from who God wants and needs me to be. Its a fight. A daily one at that. But I know I can't win if I don't stay in the fight. So I pray that as God gives me wisdom on how to share my story that you will follow along and witness my journey to healing. My journey to surrender.  My journey to wholeness. My journey to being a better version of who I am now.